Fear: The good, the bad, and....

One of my favorite things to do is talk about fear.

I feel that if we can open up to ourselves and each other about the things we fear, then we can accept it and move on. It's really simple, right?

...

Right???

When I teach singing or guitar to students, they are often nervous of performing. Whether it is in front of me or a larger audience, they get scared.

I like to ask them "What is the worst that can happen if you do make a mistake?"

They usually look at me blankly, so I continue. "Well, I guess if you were to mess up, the world could end... or the building could collapse... or you could accidentally throw up on every single person that was in attendance... or you could open your mouth to sing and wasps could fly out and sting everyone"

That is when most of my students look at me like I am crazy.

Maybe because I am.

I am crazy, but I am also pretty ballsy. I have been told this many, many times. I would like to think I am ballsy because if I let my fear control me I would be stuck in my bedroom with my cats for the rest of my days. I don't want to live like that (no matter how cute the lil' guys are), so I have made a choice to attack fear before it attacks me.

I have just released my first debut EP this past weekend, and it was a lot of work. The hard work was the easy part in comparison to the fears I had to fight. "Will people like it?",  "Will I do a good job promoting it?", "What if no one shows up to my show?" among other concerns danced through my mind.

One day, I sat down and wrote everything that I was scared of out. Every little thing about my music, my future, my life. I looked at it and asked, "What's the worst that can happen?" And immediately thought of the scene from Frankenstein where he was being chased by the mob of angry villagers.
That was the worst thing I could imagine happening. I release my album, and almost instantly an angry mob would hunt me down, obviously. But now that I knew that that was the worst that could happen to me, I knew I could survive anything else.

Mind you, I honestly don't know what I would've done if an angry mob appeared, but heck. I was mentally ready for it.

I mention this because as I am writing this, I am fighting the fear monster once again. In two days I will be heading out on the road by myself for 12 days to tour British Columbia. I haven't done anything like this for a very very long time. Heck, I cannot remember the last time I was out of town for more than 6 days.

I know, many of you may be saying "people do this all the time... you'll be fine", which is true. But this is uncharted territory for me; something I fear.

I have always been a very careful person with my choices in life. This past year, however, I have thrown caution to the wind (well as much as I could) and taken the risks and done things I wouldn't have done in the past. And you know what? Every moment, every risk, every detour, rejection EVERYTHING, has been worth it. Worth every moment. I have never felt so alive and so happy in my life. And I have never felt as though I am just getting started - which is the most exciting part of all.

So! I have looked at every option for the worst things that could happen to me on my tour, and I am ready for it all. The good, the bad, and the way it's meant to be.

Until next time I have to conquer my fears,

The girl who isn't afraid anymore.


SIDENOTE:
For those of you that are interested, I will be updating this blog along with my facebook page and twitter with all of my adventures on my tour.